Mental Health Monthly: Taking Care of your Mental Health as a Male Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

This is the fourth post in a “mental health monthly” blog post series by Lisa Gray. Lisa is a Marriage and Family Therapist with background in the meeting fellowship, and we are honored to have her perspectives featured here on our blog. 

While all victims of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) deserve to tell their stories and be believed, there are some special considerations unique to male victims. Common responses like “it doesn’t happen to males,” “it’s not really abuse” (particularly with a female perpetrator and a male victim), or “men handle it better” are simply not true.

Research indicates that globally, 5-10% of men have experienced CSA before they turn eighteen, and in the United States, 1 in 6 men have been victims. Sadly, men often delay reporting their abuse, sometimes by over twenty years. Women are three times more likely to disclose their abuse earlier. CSA in males is more likely to involve penetration, and can lead to more severe physiological harm. While feelings of shame and confusion are common for all survivors, male victims often face heightened stigmas, such as shame about experiencing physical arousal during the abuse, which can compound their trauma.

Important Messages for Male Survivors

If you are a man who has experienced CSA, please know that first, you are not alone and second, you deserve to heal and be believed. There are some specific and unique ways men are affected by CSA, and many of these behaviors are counter to the values we were taught in professing homes. It’s important to understand that if you behave in these ways, that is not a spiritual failing but a normal response to trauma:

• Expressing emotions outwardly: Many men process trauma through anger, frustration, or other external behaviors.  

• Engaging in risky behaviors: Substance abuse, reckless sexual behavior, or other impulsive actions can be coping mechanisms.

• Confusion about sexuality: It is common for male survivors to question their sexual identity or experience shame around their sexuality, although there is no scientific evidence linking CSA to changes in sexual orientation or identity.

• Mental health struggles: Anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are also common. 

Healing and Moving Forward

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience and support, growth is possible. Here are some steps to begin or continue your journey:

• Prioritize self-care and lifestyle changes: Since externalizing behaviors are common, focus on maintaining a healthy routine—eat nutritiously, exercise regularly, and be mindful of substance and pornography use. 

• Reconnect with your body: Engage in activities like regular exercise, mindfulness, or simply spending time outdoors. Be compassionate with yourself, as healing is a process. 

• Find support networks: Sharing your experiences with others can be profoundly healing. Groups like the Mankind Project provide safe spaces to connect with men who know what you’re going through. 

• Seek professional help: A qualified mental health therapist can assist with mental health challenges such as depression, PTSD, or engaging in risky behaviors. Therapy offers tools to process trauma and build resilience. For one safe place to begin, contact Pathways to Healing Network (P2HN) for assistance with finding a therapist. If you are a survivor seeking help or information, please email P2HN at  support@pathways2healing.org or call / text +1 (559) 802-7854 to begin or continue your journey to recovery. 

• Decide if and when to share your story: Disclosing trauma is a personal choice. Some find tremendous relief in speaking with trusted individuals or support groups, while others prefer to keep their story private—both paths are valid. For many men, not talking about it can be protective, and that’s ok.

You are not defined by what happened to you, and healing is possible. You deserve support, understanding, and the chance to reclaim your life.