Inter-Generational Trauma: A Lens That Helped Me Heal

In this blog post, former worker Sheralee Jensen explores how learning more about intergenerational trauma helped her understand the complex effects of harm within the ministry and the faith community. It is, as she writes, a lens that has helped her begin to understand her experience and to heal.

As part of my healing journey, I’ve found it helpful to view trauma and harm in the faith community, and in the ministry I was part of, through the lens of inter-generational trauma.

One reason this lens matters is that people rarely fit neatly into two categories: victims and perpetrators. Many of us have been harmed in some settings and behaved harmfully in others. That doesn’t excuse wrongdoing, but it does help explain why patterns persist and harm is passed on even for generations. 

“It never hurt me” isn’t a reliable measure

When people haven’t healed from mistreatment (whether in family systems, relationships, or ministry culture) they often pass those patterns along. Sometimes they don’t see the impact they’re having. Sometimes they’ve learned to survive by minimizing, spiritualizing, or denying pain.

I’ve heard people say, “I was treated badly, and it never hurt me.” That statement can become a justification: for harmful behavior, for withholding support from those who are suffering, or for avoiding standing up to those who are harming others. I believe this statement is unreliable. A person’s self-assessment of “It never hurt me,”  may reflect numbness, not health. It can reflect “surviving” or “coping,” not healing.

In his book Emotionally Healthy Discipleship, Peter Scazzero writes "Jesus may be in your heart, but grandpa is in your bones." It isn't enough to say "It's in the past, it doesn’t affect me because I’ve heard the gospel/I’m serving God.” Trauma in the past needs to be faced and healed. In other words: the past doesn’t stay in the past just because we’re sincere, committed, or serving God. Spiritual language can sometimes become a cover for wounds we haven’t faced yet.

Why this matters in the ministry

I spent many years in the work, so I’ve thought a lot about how trauma moves through ministry life. Living in close quarters with companions, having very limited privacy, high expectations, and in cultures where conflict skills and emotional health aren’t discussed openly seems to make trauma more easily passed on. I believe inter-generational trauma isn’t limited to workers; it exists throughout the broader fellowship as well.

When trauma is unaddressed, people can become rigid, reactive, angry or controlling without realizing what is contributing to these behaviours. Others learn to appease, over-function, or feel responsible for everyone’s emotional state. Both reactions can be rooted in earlier pain and trauma.

Seeing this trail of inter-generational trauma has helped me in two ways:

1. It helps me name harm honestly without pretending it was harmless.

2. It helps me hold compassion, both for myself and for others, without excusing what was damaging.

Healing requires more than time

For many of us, part of healing happens when we stop using spiritual phrases to bypass reality: “It’s in the past,” “It didn’t affect me,” “I’ve heard the gospel,” “I’m serving God, so I’m fine.” Those phrases can be sincere and yet still keep us stuck and hinder our healing. 

For me, this lens has supported my healing because it makes room for truth: truth about what happened, truth about impact on me and on others, and truth that change usually requires more than good intentions. It requires facing what shaped us.

If sharing these thoughts helps people feel less alone, or helps someone find courage to take their pain seriously and seek support, I’ll be grateful.