Mental Health Monthly: Your Bill of Rights

This is the first post in a “mental health monthly” blog post series by Lisa Gray. Lisa is a Marriage and Family Therapist with background in the meeting fellowship, and we are honored to have her perspectives featured here on our blog. 

I don’t know your story – you may be a CSA survivor, a “retired” worker, or just a concerned friend. Whoever you are, though, you may be starting to realize that you might have implicitly or explicitly learned things that no longer hold true. As a mental health professional, I want you to know that you have certain rights you may not know you have.

You have the right to tell your story. 

I know that whenever someone has left the meeting fellowship, we were often told they were “bitter.” That’s just not true. You aren’t bitter if you tell the truth about your experience. No one can dictate whether or not you can speak out. Your story is your story and no one else’s.

You have the right to be believed. 

That’s not to say everyone will believe you, and it’s important to understand the reality of that. You still have the right to be believed and to decide what kind of relationship you want to have with those who don’t believe you or question your experience. 

You have the right to feel whatever emotions you feel. 

Some of us were told that anger was bad (especially with God); or that we should “have joy or a myriad of other myths. No emotions are wrong. Whatever you feel, that is your birthright. You don’t have to justify your anger, sadness, anxiety or any other emotion to anyone.

You have the right to do whatever you want to do now. 

Some of you may decide to stay in the fellowship meetings, and that’s okay; that doesn’t automatically suggest that you are condoning any bad behavior. Some of you may decide to leave, and that’s ok too. The point is, we have often  been told what we “should” do, and that’s not a thing. You can do whatever feels right to you.

You have the right to question and discern. 

This is something many of us really struggle with because we were given little experience with questioning in the fellowship meetings. But in healthy relationships and groups, questions are welcome. You don’t have to agree with the ministry, the theology, or anything else. You can ask questions and come to your own conclusions.

You have the right to heal. 

In California, where I live, you can get free therapy from Victims of Crime (www.victims.ca.gov) and many other states may have similar programs. Many therapists take insurance or will offer a sliding scale. Bridges & Balm is here to assist with therapy or worker transition funding. You are not what happened to you.