Starting Over

By Sheralee Jensen

This is the third post in a series written for workers transitioning back into civilian life. Sheralee Jensen reflects on her time in the work and the impacts those experiences continue to have on her life.

When I was seventeen and living with my parents, having no savings, car, or job was normal. Finding myself in the same situation at age fifty-one was terrifying. That’s the reality for workers leaving the work. We have lost decades of earning capacity, our health is often significantly compromised, and we are in the difficult situation of starting again.

The Breaking Point

In 2020, I had a serious mental health crash and realised I needed to take time off from the work, believing I could recover and be able for the work again. For many years, I had been concerned about toxic behaviour in the work, and I eventually realised that those attitudes contributed to my health crisis. I was committed to getting well and I hoped that what I learned during recovery would help me to bring healthier practices back into the work. 

At first, there was hope. The head worker of our state at the time acknowledged harmful behaviors and began encouraging workers to learn about better communication strategies and healthier workplace behaviours. 

But then the leadership changed. I had begun a gentle re-entry by helping in gospel meetings while still living at home, an arrangement the previous head worker had supported. The new  head worker came and made it clear that he disapproved of this arrangement. 

As sisters, we are expected to be fully submitted to brothers, especially older brothers. When we are treated badly by older brothers, especially when our health is fragile, it is devastating to us. When older brothers show they think we aren’t worth caring for, it feels like God must think the same. My health went into a downward spiral. This experience was shattering. I realised I couldn’t continue and made the painful decision to leave the work and find a job. I was left in a situation where there was no other decision I could make. 

Starting Again After 28 Years

I had been away from the ordinary workplace for twenty-eight years. Out of touch and unsure where to begin, I chose to enter disability support work. Since childhood, I’ve had deep compassion for people with a disability. In Australia, this industry is short-staffed, which means employers are willing to hire people without experience. The downside is that inexperienced employees can receive less mentoring, and so burnout and turnover can be high. 

In Australia, you can get work in this industry without qualifications and then study for the qualifications while working. I attended college two days a week and worked two days a week. Being in class with people of all backgrounds and all ages was eye-opening. After decades away from secular life, I had so much to catch up on. Discussions of legal and ethical subjects were especially valuable for someone who had been out of the workplace for so long. 

Living With Parents

I live with my parents, who are now in their 80s. I am deeply grateful for their support and for a safe place to live. I contribute to household expenses, which is less expensive than living elsewhere, but caring for them while working and studying is hard. It is a common experience for sister workers who leave the work to end up caring for their parents. It can be a special experience, but it is also challenging. We are already at a huge financial disadvantage after years in the work, and now that we take time off work to care for parents, which makes saving for the future even more difficult. 

The Reality and the Lessons

I had some lovely experiences in the work. I enjoyed many lovely and kind companions, and I also had some that were deeply damaging even though I didn’t realize it at the time. Through healing, I have learned this: When a ministry destroys the mental and physical health of its ministers, that ministry is not aligned with God the creator, who knows human limitations. 

Advice for Transitioning

• Interact widely and with a variety of people. College classes helped me reconnect with the modern world and were a wonderful experience for me. These classes became a way for me to interact with people of different backgrounds and learn more about th

  eir lives. Listen to the stories of those you work with. It will help you get your bearings in the modern world. 

• Choose an accessible industry for your first job.  Employers are more willing to overlook your lack of experience in industries facing employee shortages.  

• Ask for help. Some things you know you don’t know. Asking for help and information takes a special kind of courage, and it is quite exhausting trying to catch up on all the years of information and life skills that you’ve missed. Still, be willing to ask. I had a lovely experience where I walked into the bank and spoke to an assistant. I said, “I’ve come to ask a stupid question.” She said, “There are no such things as stupid questions.” I said to her, “When you are answering this question, can you please pretend that I am 17 asking this question, not 50?” She explained plainly and clearly what I needed to know. This can be easier for women as those helping us sometimes assume that we have been in an abusive relationship or have been a stay-at-home mother. When you make it clear that you don’t understand anything about a topic, people are kind and generous. 

• Find mentors. There are also some things that you don’t know that you don’t know. We have huge gaps in life experience and knowledge. Mentors can help us navigate what we don’t know. When you can, push yourself to have conversations with other people and listen to what they say. This helps us to realise what we need to learn. 

• Practice self-compassion. The work we are doing of trying to re-create our life is really hard work, so we need to go gently. I have found Kristin Neff’s resources on self-compassion to be very helpful in this road of healing.

 Looking Ahead

As ex-workers, we will likely need to work far longer than others our age. With no retirement savings, we need jobs that offer flexibility as we age.The road is hard, but not impossible. Go gently. Healing and rebuilding take time.