Mental Health Monthly: What Does it Mean to be a “Joyful People”?

This is the sixth post in a mental health series of posts by Lisa Gray. Lisa is a Marriage and Family Therapist with background in the meeting fellowship, and we are honored to have her perspectives featured here on our blog. 

One of the most confusing things for me growing up was constantly being told “we are a joyful people,” but then looking around and seeing no smiles on anyone’s face. And then, in testimonies, there were often thoughts shared like: “I’m unworthy” or “I’m falling short.” I’m not saying that’s all bad (if you don’t think you’ve ever fallen short, you might be a narcissist!) I’m just saying that for such a joyful people, there was a remarkable lack of demonstration of said joy.

When you’re trained heavily in this self-criticism, it’s hard to also be a joyful person. And also, the amount of trauma and abuse that some of us have suffered also gets in the way of being joyful quite a bit. So what’s the answer? Do we need to feel saved before we can have joy? Do we need to be fully healed before we can have joy? Thankfully, the answer to that is no.

I’m going to give you four steps below to try to bring a little more demonstrable joy into your life.

1. Awareness. In therapy, we always say “awareness is everything” because you can’t change anything you are not aware of. So the first step here is to begin to notice how often you notice the negative versus the positive. This isn’t to make you feel bad – it’s the brain’s natural state to scan our environment for what is dangerous or wrong (that’s why we’re still in the gene pool!) But becoming aware of how often your mind goes to the negative is a good place to start. We have to free up some room for noticing positive experiences and things – or at least give them the same kind of weight that we are giving the negatives.

2. Look for glimmers or micro-joys. It’s easy to focus on the big stuff. Most of us are going to naturally have joy on our wedding day, the day our kids are born, the day we get our dream job and so on. But those days are few and far between. Glimmers by definition are small, faint things that are often brief. Every single one of us has many glimmers and micro-joys available every single day, but we have to pause, look for them, and hold onto them. Start keeping a log, either physically or mentally, of the tiny moments every day that bring a tiny twinge of joy. So far today, I loved the smell of my coffee, the nudge of my dog wanting attention, the breeze on my morning walk, and the feel of my book in my hand.

3. Find awe. Recently an experiment was done where two groups of students were assigned a 20-minute walk each day. One group just walked; the other was supposed to find one thing they felt “awe” about each day. At the end of the experiment, the 2nd group was happier and healthier on every single measure. You don’t have to be in Yosemite to find awe. You just have to pay attention and pause to take it in. On my walk this morning I noticed that a pine tree I walked by smelled like a mountain lake I love. Awesome.

4. Smile. No, really, smile. Smiling – even a forced smile – triggers the release of mood-boosting neurotransmitters in the brain (like dopamine and serotonin). These chemicals increase happiness and joy – even if you didn’t really mean the smile! How cool is that? I like to practice what Thict Nhat Hanh calls a “Mona Lisa smile” – just making sure there is a subtle half smile on my face as often as I can. Your kids will wonder what you’re up to, and you’ll be feeling more joyful!

I personally think the best “revenge” is a life lived well. You may have some seriously messed up experiences in your life and/or religious experience. Being truly joyful is the best redress you can find.